I find it kinda hard to compare my life to my friend’s life.
Well, mainly because everyone has different backgrounds.
And yes, I am talking about everyone.
Life doesn’t go our own way.
I certainly hope that it will.
But as usual, my life is still somehow perfect.
Teachers and relatives have been bugging me to change the view I have with life.
I hold too much grudges with life, or should I say in life. Both matters.
I want to care, but I find it hard to care.
And some may say that when I am trying not to care, means I care.
I am certainly confused with the way I am coping with life.
Certainly and seriously confused.
Lots of things have been on my mind since young.
I keep wondering, is this the way? Is that the solution?
Maybe yes, maybe not.
People asked me whether I am fine,
I ignored the fact that I am tired with life and answered I am fine.
And they took it for real of course.
I really wished and hoped that one day, just for that day,
Someone will ask me to tell the truth.
I find it real tiring to see people laughing and smiling away truthfully.
I hate seeing family’s hanging out, be it in the shopping malls or at home.
Even my relatives, I find it really exhausting to see them with their family.
The way I am feeling, one word to fill it, jealousy.
Jealousy was all I could think of.
I am not ready. Really, sometimes, I just feel like jumping down from the highest building, or a certain level which can take me to a far away place, which is death.
People around me won’t understand how I am feeling.
How tough it would be, for a girl, facing scariest part of life.
It’s not going to be the toughest points in life if I’ve decided live.
Because, according to those experienced, I believe there will be more scary moments.
People around me, can only imagine life with me.
They can’t feel it; neither can they go through my state.
People care, people believe.
But I am slowly pushing them away to create fewer burdens on them.
It’s very tiring to carry someone’s burden.
I am a burden and I know.
And that’s the reason why, I am pushing people away… slowly.
It seems like I am making improvements in my life, or should I say, progress.
But I personally feel life, can be full of wonders, but it can also be filled with lots of unexpected shocks. So, I can tell, I am not making any progress.
I can only picture myself out in a dark alley and not at the brightest field.
That’s all I can say about my future, representing darkness.
Is just like a girl, wearing sunglass, being covered by all those negative things.
CHANCE
I am tired of all those things which are bugging me, that voice.
Coins seem to lead me the right way often. But it sounds ridiculous to trust your future to a coin flip. But then again, the results of a coin, provided it flips what you want it to be, will convince you that that is the right decision. Whereas if it shows what you don't want it to, you'll either flip it again, convince yourself that the coin wasn't flipped correctly, or spend an entire period of time dwelling on your pathetic answer.
If none of that applies to you, then probably you are really in a mess or you have strong willpower. Why am I gabbing about it anyway.
